To my dear friend who's not married yet:
I wish we could sit face to face, sipping coffee by a warm fire in some cute coffee shop, and share stories or even vent about the difficulties of single life. We'd likely talk about the common question our relatives ask us every holiday, the guy our Aunt Bertha tried to hook us up with, the date-that-wasn't-a-date, or our online dating successes (and failures). We'd laugh a little, groan a little, but be able to relate to each other because we know it well, the difficulties of singleness. And as Valentine's Day approaches, we know well the mixed emotions that come with yet another day without a significant other.
As we sat face to face, I wish I could give you some assurance that everything would okay; we'd both get married soon. But I have nothing to base that optimistic comment on, other than a hope and a prayer. Because no lists or formulas will bring a spouse. No action, no change in wardrobe, no lifestyle change, no prayer will 100% guarantee a spouse.
But there is one thing I can say, an action we can take to be happier.
I'd imagine you might lean in across the table, eager to hear this simple secret.
"It's easy," I say. "Don't be Single."
You roll your eyes at me, and you might even chuckle a little. You think it's a joke. But I'm serious.
"Don't be Single--with a capital "S."
Actually, it's not that simple. It's possible that ever since our childhood, we watched the fairytales and believed that there were two kinds of people in the world: the happily-ever-after people who get to marry their prince/princess, and the flawed-Gaston-like-characters who end up lonely and miserable (or dead). And as we grew older, we might have even thought that we must have some flaw like Gaston that kept people from wanting to marry us. As most of our friends get married and have kids, we begin to realize that the dichotomy still exists in adulthood: there are Single people and there are Married people.
And so, we wander through our twenties or beyond with a huge red "S" written all over us. Or maybe it's a "U" (unwanted) or a "P" (pathetic). We can wander around life, constantly still hoping or maybe feeling we're beyond hope, rarely ever losing sight of that huge label we call "Single."
But we don't have to live as a Single. Friend, there are so many other ways we should view ourselves. We are Loved, Bought with a price, Children of G0d, Chosen by G0d, Knit by the King of Kings, and Adopted by the Father. When we let the letter S take center stage, we forget who we truly are--and prevent others from seeing how valuable we (and they) truly are; all that matters in life is our marital status.
So, dear friend, let's not live life under society's "S" label, but let's live out our true identities. No more pity parties, or wearing black on Valentine's Day, or believing the lie that we're not as blessed as our married friends. For this season of our lives, we're single, but that's not what defines us. Our identity is in Chr!st, our solid Rock and Fortress, who does not change as man does. Feelings might come and go, and marriages, unfortunately, may fail, but how the Father views us, and our worth in Him will never, ever change.
As we continue sipping our coffee, we might change our conversation to more practical topics. What will we do on Valentine's Day so we're not at home moping? How do we deal with the sexualized culture and how sex is a "right," regardless of if you're married or just having fun for a night? How can we encourage each other to be a witness to those around us in the midst of unanswered pra.yers?
We might not come to any resolutions, but at least we'd get these struggles about singlness off of our chest. And, hopefully, we'd get that large "S" off of our chest and leave our time together feeling encouraged. We're not Single; we're Loved.
